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FOX Calls Climate Change A 'Pyramid Scheme'

Jessie Waters and Tucker Carlson are in a cold war now that the 8:00 late night slot is still in a state of transitioning. Waters, who is still relatively new to the slot, is trying to outdo the old pro by levying his most conspiratorial and grotesque inputs to his aging and receptive audience. Tucker has been struggling to keep his head water on where he has placed his faith in Elon Musk to help him maintain his relevance. Signs show that clearly isn't cutting it with Tucker resorting to tactics that resemble open desperation. Last week he released his magnum opus of journalistic integrity by interviewing an aging drug addict and liar who claimed to have had gay sex with former President Barrack Obama during a crack fueled bender in the 90s. Waters, who is still beholden to the corporate rules of FOX news which shockingly do not allow for fully blatant lying, responded with a FOX approved conspiracy stating that climate change is a 'Pyramid Scheme'.

"If you think about, you have the media, the politicians, and the academics at the top, and then at the bottom, you have all of us, the taxpayers. So academics realized early on that the more papers they put out saying that climate change was caused by humans and the world was going to blow up in two years if we don't do something about it, they were going to get more grant money from the politicians. And so, the media takes these research papers and then they report them and then they get big ratings because everybody gets scared and everybody gets nervous, and then the politicians scare the heck out of you and said 'Get rid of big oil,' we need to go green, and then they throw all of our money around at all of their donors and all of their investors."

It seems Waters is having trouble grasping both the concepts of scientific grants and pyramid schemes. A scientific grant cannot be spent on anything you want nor can it be paid directly into the pockets of academics or researchers. If Waters believes that a bunch of scientists in the 70s created a world ending concept for the purpose of making $60,000 a year researching it, then he has the perfect level of intelligence for a FOX News host. He conveniently forgets the $7 trillion globally which has been given in fossil fuels subsidies last year alone so that oil companies can directly put more money into their executives pockets as they condemn the world to decaying conditions and the average person to increasingly insurmountable costs of living. That wouldn't be a pyramid scheme either. Its the corporate equivalent of a tape worm.

Furthermore, it seems that the whole 'Get rid of big oil' conspiracy hasn't worked at all. Big oil is as powerful as ever with record profits and record emissions increasing year-over-year. The only time it has decreased was during the 2020 pandemic due to the need for lockdowns and decrease in driving. If everyone's as scared as Waters claims, they clearly aren't scared enough to act. Going green is all but an impossibility with the sheer volume of lobbying the oil and gas industry does and the apathy of the median voter.

Republican's are looking to twist the knife in 2024 if they win. Unveiling their Project 2025 series of legislative and tactical strategies, they want to gut any and all forms of financial climate aid, open up drilling in the arctic, remove climate change as a matter of national security, and reverse the 2009 scientific finding from the Environmental Protection Agency which states carbon dioxide emissions are a danger to public health. They want to directly transfer as much money from tax payers into the open arms of the oil industry whilst making the planet functionally uninhabitable. A pyramid scheme is far kinder.


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